15 Black Lion Street, Old Lanes

Confession time. I’ve been avoiding this post simply because I think that the Cricketers is one of the best pubs in Brighton. I love the red velvet-y interior. You almost feel like Liberace himself gave counsel when they were designing it. Of course since it’s about 300-odd years old, he probably didn’t. I believe that it’s on record as the oldest pub in Brighton. They always have a good selection of beers available and it’s just so wonderfully cozy. There’s so much bric-a-brac all over the walls along with loads of mirrors. It all feels very brassy. I’ve never been upstairs but I have been through the doors and out into their garden area which spills out the back and also out the front so you can people-watch to your heart’s content all the livelong day. So when I decided that my quest for the Ultimate Pub Sunday Dinner was seriously lacking in its questness, I took a big step out of the North Laine and suggested that we go to the Cricketers.

Now. As you can see here the Cricketers are guilty of one of my biggest pet peeves-PACKETS of condiments. Who wants to be tearing apart 6 packets of ketchup just so they can get started on their meal?? And they’re never EASY to open either. I’ve highlighted the packet of tartare sauce here on the right simply because I can not comprehend why any eating establishment would have out on the table a condiment that is usually kept refrigerated. I went against my better judgment and squirted a bit on my fish. I had a quick flashback to my days of waiting tables, when at the end of the night the line (pick-up area) in the kitchen would be strewn with abandoned condiment cups. The tartare sauce always had a lovely yellow film and had gone the consistency of snot. Nice, isn’t it? That’s what you want on your fish, ladies and gents! Snot.

So as you might’ve guessed, I ordered the fish n’ chips and Stephen ordered the chili con carne. My camera was acting up so I didn’t get any actual photos of the food. It wasn’t exactly publishing-worthy. The food is pretty much your less-than-average overpriced pub fare, complete with above-mentioned annoying condiment packets. The fish was most definitely frozen and not even as good as the kind I get from Waitrose. Stephen’s chili portion was quite mean and pretty average as well. I was so disappointed. I really wanted to rave about the food here but it’s just….bad.

Alas, the Cricketers will always be one of my favourite drinking holes in Brighton but I will never ever attempt to eat there again.

2/3 Pavilion Buildings (ya know, by that big Pavilion-lookin’ thing)

Since I’ve just typed “Pavilion” twice, I feel like I need to come clean about something Pavilion-related. When Stephen and I found out we’d be moving to Brighton, I’d never been down here and had certainly never heard of any Pavilion. I remember talking to the estate agent on the phone and she was giving me directions to their office; “Go down and turn right before you get to the Pavilion-”, interrupted by me who had to inform her that I’d never been to Brighton and couldn’t really go by landmarks. I was certain that the Pavilion she was speaking of was going to be more of a bandstand-type thing and I thought to myself, “How festive! A bandstand!”. Then I remember going past the Pavilion (not knowing what it was) and saying to Stephen, “Wow! Check out that mosque!!”. Yes. Go on and laugh. I bet I’m not the only one (and when I say “one”, I mean non-Brit) who’s ever said that! Still, I’ve never felt so white and so Western.

I’ve mentioned before the Food on Friday deal that the Argus is publishing in the Guide every Friday. Well I’ve got a stack of vouchers, expiration marks geek-ily highlighted on each, and I decided it was high time to start using them. It was Sunday and since I’ve been slacking a bit in the UPSD department (well it is summer afterall; who wants hot beef and gravy when it’s 29 degrees out?) so I rang up my trusty Girl Wonder (Delphine) and off we went to the Ha! Ha! bar, voucher in tow.

All I can say for this place is that they are damn lucky the food was so tasty and that they have a primo location, especially for days that are meant to be whittled away in the sun, drinking cocktails and peoplewatching to your heart’s content. We arrived around noon and both of us Ha! Ha! virgins. With any pub, you figure you’re not going to get table service and have to order at the bar. No biggie. My god- the girl that served us looked like she had pulled an all-nighter and hadn’t gone home to sleep off her shift drinks. I believe the more crass term is “rode hard and put out wet”. She was in serious need of some good ol’ fashioned R and R. As I’ve said before, I’ve been in the business and so it’s not like I would go waltzing in to a hole-in-the-wall-type place where grizzled old men hover over their black pints of Guinness and ask for a pina colada. This place had a cocktail menu so I ordered a cocktail. When I ordered a caipirinha you would’ve thought that I’d asked her for one of her kidneys with the look she gave me. Ha Ha indeed, no tip for you my lovely. She also seemed really put out that we didn’t know our table number. We hadn’t a table yet because we were ordering, isn’t that how it usually goes? Most pubs give you a cool, weather-beaten wooden spoon with your number. That system seems more logical to me than snarling at your customers because they don’t know the number of the table they haven’t sat at yet. GWD and I both agreed that she needed a trip to Tickled and proceeded to chill outside and wait for our grub.

GWD ordered the fishcakes and yours truly ordered the tapas platter. The bar staff were sort of lingering over us so we felt a bit pressed to order. I figured the tapas platter is usually a winner (although, not always) and besides, I love having little bits of everything. It somehow feels more satisfying. We were brought our drinks which were perfectly lovely and then we were brought out this lovely little surprise. I’m a self-confessed condiment junkie. Stephen hates all the jars that lurk on the top shelf of our fridge but he also doesn’t seem to understand that most condiments pretty much never go off. He seems baffled by the fact that sugar and vinegar have been used as natural preservatives since the beginning of time. Is there anything worse than refrigerated ketchup?? Ugh. The labels on these bottles are a bit faded. Don’t tell me they just top them up instead of using new bottles. This is known in the business as “marrying ketchup” and it’s actually illegal in some States back home. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a volcanic Heinz bottle you’ll understand why. From left to right they are: Leaf Dressing, Yellow Devil Sauce and Tomato & Pepper Ketchup, all of which are available to purchase online. I tried a bit of the Yellow Devil Sauce with my falafel bites and it was a nice, zingy mustard-y type sauce. I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of my tapas and GWD was really impressed with her fishcakes:

Not sure if you can see this or not but those slices of chorizo were full-on. Not the wafer-thin slices you get when you buy them from the supermarket but nice and chunky, sliced right off a log of chorizo no doubt. My falafel bites were nicely crusted in sesame seeds and…non-dry (Hate the “M” word, not going to use it.), the olives were not of the lowbrow tinned variety, roasted peppers lovingly encasing hunks of feta, and of course, the obligatory and always welcome chargrilled pitta bread. Very filling as well; I had to pawn off some chorizo on the Girl Wonder.

I have to say tho, I’m a bit baffled as to why it’s called the Ha! Ha! Bar if it doesn’t have comedy
acts…? I could’ve sworn that someone told me
that they’ve gone to see comedy there before but
I tried looking all over the website and the only gigs
they’ve got booked here in Brighton are some DJ’s.
Weird. If anyone knows any differently please let me know. Cheers!

5 Trafalgar Street, North Laine

More specifically, right on my doorstep. So we frequent there pretty often. We’d frequent the Great Eastern pretty often too if it wasn’t so smoke-filled. What can I say, I’m excited that England is going non-smoking but not too excited that this perhaps will mean more children
in pubs. I guess you can’t have it all.

To be honest, being American I guess doesn’t really have me wired for craving roast meat and potatoes slathered in gravy on a Sunday afternoon. I was more of a “quiche and lovely salad” girl or a “let’s put together a smorgasbord of fridge leftovers” girl but I’ve managed to come around to this bit of British culinary tradition.

Even though the George has become our default stop for “I can’t be arsed cooking, let’s go out”, I realized that I’d never been there for Sunday Lunch. Whenver we would go, I would frequent the generously portioned nachos (with extra jalapenos, natch) or if felt up to a bit of assembly, the fajitas. I mourn the loss of their original veggie burger. (For those of you not in-the-know, the George is an all vegetarian pub and of course, vegan friendly as well.) When we first moved here all I could talk about was the George’s veggie burger. You could tell it was homemade, shaped by loving hands, deliciously filled with all sorts of good-for-you’s like nuts and seeds, topped with salsa and BOY was it delicious. Sadly, I think they’ve gone the way of the frozen burger and I haven’t ordered one since.

On the bright side, their portions are generous and anyone that serves up sweet chilli sauce with their chips is in with me. (sidenote: when I googled “sweet chilli sauce” you’ll never believe what I found.) I’d say I go there about twice a month with my lovely friend who would like to be referred to as “S”. Not so much that she doesn’t want to be known but that she likes to think of herself as the mysterious companion to the food critic. So I’m indulging her. Anyways, “S” and I go there quite frequently as she’s a veggie and I’m downright lazy after working an 8-hour day. I don’t think I’ve ever had a meal there I was disappointed in. Well, not until I went there for Sunday lunch.

This isn’t to say that it was awful, because it wasn’t. It was just ok. My roast potatoes were burnt enough that had I been working in that kitchen I wouldn’t have served them. The veggies were a-plenty-broccoli, leeks and red cabbage, all very nice but slightly overcooked. You run this risk on a Sunday I suppose since you’re serving up all the same sides for whatever meal is ordered. The first time I went I ordered the nut roast and found it quite nice. “S” said she could taste mint and that she wasn’t too fond of mint but otherwise found it ok. The 2nd time I went I ordered the sweet potato and spinach strudel (with all the trimmings, of course) and it would’ve been so much nicer had it not been slathered in water-y gravy. What is it with vegetarian gravy?? I know that you don’t have any animal fat to work with but come on now, people. Just add a bit of flour so that we get a NICE consistency that isn’t sogging up the rest of the meal. Maybe it’s me and what my momma got me used to but I like the kind of gravy that stays put.

No breaking down the wall between potato and main course unless I want it to, that’s how I like it.